Saturday, October 17, 2009

Too Big to Enjoy the Vue!

DUDE... today was a great day for my family. We spent the morning with my Mom car shopping. She loves my cute nerdy Saturn Vue - it has space to lug stuff - it has nice clearance for when the snow falls here - and it's way nicer than her old VW Jetta which has been a bad omen since the day she and my Dad got it 11 years ago! HELL I tell you!

Anyway... my partner Mike rode in the car with my Mom making sure they didn't hear or see anything or feel any sort of things that my sister Mandi and I might have missed if we took the test drive with her! .... (we'd be blinded by the idea that this car is nicer than hers and tell her to just get it!)

When they got back from the test drive my mom mentioned it had the ability in the drivers seat to raise and/or lower!!!! Well, of course I KNEW THAT!!!!! Yes yes I did! And truly.. I DID know that...

What I didn't realize was that over the last 3 years I've had my car, I would sometimes reach down to my left and pull the lever to lean my seat forward or backward... it's a four door so this usually only occurred when someone else drove the vehicle.

Sometimes it seemed broken. It wouldn't work. Well that's because I had been raisin my seat without knowing it and slowly over the years I'd set it to the very highest setting and THIS Explains a lot.

See, I'd been thinking my weight gain from quitting smoking and from over eating and lack of exercise had all of a sudden started to cause me to be too big for my car. It was hard to get in and out of the car... I had to literally bend my head down sideways to be able to see when the traffic lights change.

Thing is... I've always been a big kid. ALWAYS! People thought my mother had a baby who was slightly retarded because when I was 4 months old I wore clothes that were size 18 months! SO I looked like a year and a half old child who should be walking and rambling but since I was only 3 or 4 months old in reality I was a HUGE Lump of chubby baby! I just layed there in her undersuzed motherly arms and I stared at people. I smiled a lot though!

I was so fat as a baby that I never crawled! I had to roll from place to place! HAHA! I couldn't bend my legs to crawl!

I have ALSO been "too fat" to ride rides too at amusement parks! ... well... I should say too large. When they lower the "over the head" safety bar for me on a ride... it doesn't always even touch my belly... it can't be pressed down over my shoulders enough to latch (And lemme say when it is, it hurts!)

But I'll take the pain to avoid the embarrassment of being told to get off the ride because I was too big! I thought this was going to happen in my own car!!! MY OWN CAR!!!!! I'm all of a sudden too large for my vehicle!

I was trying to figure out who would be the "ride operator" for my car!? Like who would walk over to me in the Mall Parking lot one day with a "height measuring stick" in a striped colorful "ride operator uniform" and break the news to me that I was too large to ride in my very own car.

Thankfully it didn't happen! Wahooooooo - So today when I'd said goodbye to my family and we went our separate ways... I pumped down my driver seat and it lowered SO MUCH that I almost feel too low! Like I was "Low Ridin" in my hot new Saturn Vue!


This also means I'm NOT Alice in wonderland who bit off the wrong side of the candy and outgrew my car...

Sometimes Old knowledge helps on new situations! Life is good! ... Relax Sit back and Enjoy the Vue


(Here's Moms New Car, It's Black)


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Furry Gay Guys Do Dallas!

I am so excited to say ........ I Got My Script for the Scene we'll be doing in our series of Videos!!!! No Not Porn ...Calm down Mom! Sheesh!

No we're acting out scenes from the show from the 1980's ... Dallas!

Re-enacted by a burly collection of furry gay "bears" from Denver ... can't wait... It's just in pre-production at this time but seeing the script for my first scene where I play PAM - a character normally acted by Victoria Principal... in my GMail inbox makes my "junk" tingle! Can't wait!

FurryGayGuysDoDallas


Thursday, October 1, 2009

911 Conversation

Call Taker (Me): "911 what is your emergency?"

Caller (them): "I don't want 911 but my phone is shut off can you pay my phone bill for me?"

Me: I'm sorry this is 911. I can't pay your phone bill you'll have to use a phone that works to contact your phone company.

Caller: I am going to be late to work and I need to let them know can you just call my phone company for me and pay my bill?

Me: Um, no I can't if you'd like I can transfer your call to a work number if you like but otherwise you... (Interrupted)

Caller: (Upset now) NO! I don't need you calling my work for me or trying any fancy footwork! Just PAY MY BILL so my phone works it won't let me do it myself!!"

Me: Sir this is 911 ... your phone bill is NOT an emergency. If there is no other emergency I can send a police officer to your house and he can tell you how to use a land line.

Caller: Screw You!

Me: No thank you sir is there anything else I can help you with tonight that pertains to the proper uses of calling 911?

CLICK::

Sad thing is.. he called back - spoke to 2 other people some multiple times trying to get us to pay his phone bill? Am I jaded? Is this not ridiculous to most people?