Ellen can you hear me.....

Ellen ... Papa who knows!?

So I wrote a letter to Ellen DeGeneres last night in honor of my Mother. My poor Mom has worked her booty off this past year to keep herself and her kids (us) afloat... My dad died last year and this forced my Mom into a new house with some bad credit stuff left over from my dads decade of depression. He horded and shopped online for what ever he was collecting at that time.

But I have to share this last example of my mom's ability to share a "silver lining" in almost any situation.

Mom always got the old car when Dad purchased a new vehicle growing up. The only exception I can think of is the VW Jetta my mom now drives but that's only because it was rear ended (twice in one day) and had constant issues. So THEN he decided to keep his car which ran fine! Sweet huh!

Anyway, so My mom has a full size van with a wheel chair lift that we'd used for my grandma as she'd gotten older... after Grandma passed away My mom ended up with the van and kind of kept it as my dads health deteriorated. Since he died we've been hearing about how Mom needs to sell that van and then trade in her VW for a new reliable used car... nothing fancy - but you know... something a mother of three and a grandmother of two can tote her loved ones around in and oh ... I don't know... that will START and maybe if she's lucky something that doesn't REFUSE TO OPEN IT"S DOORS... that'd be nice too! HA HA

So Mom was about to list the van online... then some neighbor kids were chucking rocks at it.... not sure why, and they broke out some smaller side panel windows. (Delay one!)

Then Mom wanted us to take the pictures and put it up on the internet... I took it to get the emissions test done... it ends up having a flat tire. GRRRRR (I got her a new flat tire and Mike replaced it for her (Delay #2)

Finally the van is up and ready to be sold, she drops the listing price and puts the van up with our pictures on her work place version of "craigslist" and she gets a bite or three - The van gets shown... the lift stops working!? WTF!? Are you kidding me? Mike finds the problem, orders the part and repairs it so the lift is fine! (Delay #3)

The people who came to see it and said they wanted it and before we sold or even showed it to anyone to let them know... they would now have the cash and make sure they could buy this van... they will be there Wednesday.... (Mom waits all evening... no show) OK they'll be there Thursday! (It's raining this time but seriously no show and no call... nothing) Mom sends them an email letting them know she's upset - and frustrated and if she doesn't hear form them soon she'll be contacting the others who've asked to see the van by Monday.

Friday it snows! It Rains... It's a mess! Mom decides since her VW battery is dead now all of the sudden... and the car from my sister needs new tires... She'll drive the Van in and she'll pick up her best friend who's pretty tired from Chemo treatments so that she won't have to drive in this weather... She'll take the van and then if the co worker wants to see the lift working she can...

Here it comes! Delay #4...... Mom decides the weather is getting worse... half way into the day... Mom says she may leave early with her Best friend and get her home before it gets too bad out.

5 minutes later i get a call.... MOM HAS BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT! .... she was hit by two cars full speed because her van didn't even slow down at the stop sing when leaving her work complex.....
The Van is totaled and so is the down payment for her "new" used car we planned to get her into to keep her safe and rid her of these two possibly Hexed cars.

My moms outlook???? ... At least she was in the van otherwise they might have been badly injured! Since they were in the van they survived being slammed, simultaneously by 2 cars, full speed hitting them broadside!

So I sent Ellen a letter to see if she had any extra cars hanging around... wish me luck... she gets those letters hundreds of times a day I'm sure.... I'm just venting I guess! I wish I could do more for her.... Grrrrrr

Ellen? Is that you? It's me... Jerrod

Slurpee licious!

Monday morning I got off work at 7 am from my job. I knew I'd have to hurry home and nap because I had a mid-morning dentist appointment to keep for my 6 month cleaning and xrays. Needless to say when I woke up 2 hours after laying my head on my pillows I was glad to hit "snooze" on my cell phone at least twice.

So when I finally DID get up from bed and brush my teeth getting ready to run out the door and across town... I was so sleepy but I was also HUNGRY!

Knowing I couldn't very well go into the dentist with half of a corn chip in my teeth I was aware I'd have to wait until I was done at the dentist! I didn't want my hygienist Crystal to think I was a HUGE nasty pig... orally I mean of course! lol

So after I was all cleaned up and my teeth and gums had been poked, prodded and x-rayed... I decided to make a trip to the local 7-11 for some blog worthy nachos! NACHOS!!!!! Can I tell you that I'm not the only person who LOVES and Covets these nachos!? I have taken more than one call at my 911 dispatching job for people who have stolen said nachos ... I mean it! Literally filled the chips container with cheesy type goodness and then closed it up and RUN OUT THE DOOR to their get away car! So now cops know how good they are too! hahaha!

Anyway... as I entered the store of the local convenience, I was the only one in there other than the older lady with the long frizzy hair who worked there. She was mopping the floor to my right as I removed the plastic shrink wrap from the large nachos container. Her name tag I could not see... which is sad because this story is one she'd want credit for I'm sure!

So I glanced her way and took a mental picture of the store... making a mental image of what I'd do if I were the nacho thief in action... I could technically do it.. but they have cameras and though the flavor of the cheesy chippy goodness is worth some hassle... the paying option is a much better one. Anyway ... I looked to my left and I realized, by the Slurpee machines is a HUGE cardboard cutout with Hugh Jackman in his white "wife-beater" tank pulling against his furry, sweaty, wolverine-style muscles. I mean this thing is hot! He's got his full wolverine mutton chops with his 50's throwback big manly hair... he's a gay mans wet dream...

I turn to the female grandma employee as she's mopping and we make eye contact... "I want that!" I say to her pointing to the poster style cutout promoting his new Wolverine Origins movie.

She says "What?" and she kind of leans on her mop handle (You know like the cartoon Carrol Burnett style of leaning ... like she did at the end of each show of the Carol Burnett show!?)

I repeated myself ... "I want that cut-out" ... I pointed again!

This woman looks to me then her eyes move to the cut out then back to me... no change on her face... no inflection to ponder what her response is going to be.... She pauses just long enough for me to realize that she may not be ok with me being this huge nacho consuming Homo in her 7-11 store.... I then notice movement out of the corner of my eye.

Two other men in their twenties or thirties are also in the shop and one is on the phone but the other one glances over to us briefly as he scans the pre-made sandwiches on the "end-cap" of an isle. (He's probably trying to figure out if I'll ever move so he can steal some nachos) Either way no one made a move until the woman looked back to me with her eyes for about the fourth time, still leaning on her mop handle when she blurts out "Fuck you he's mine!"

HAHAHAH! I busted out laughing! I retorted that it's hot and it belongs in my bedroom and she slid the mop back into the cleaning bucket on the floor before walking past me to help the customer who'd found his calling card and jerky or whatever and she said "Hell no! That's mine!"

I told her I was gonna put my name on the back of it and would be back for it in a month!

She laughed and joked that she thinks I have awesome taste as she rang me up! I love spunky old ladies! MMMMMMMM Nachos and Hugh! YUM!

Top it off! Pitch a tent!

So I tend to take pictures of my friends doing odd ball stuff.... this weekend some of my friends were out of town and so a few of us decided to go up and see if we could find a Big Dog store in some of the northern factory outlets.

While searching for it -- (it wasn't there anymore) we came upon a store for Coleman - outdoor camping fishing supplies - they had the coolest tents - I mean some of these tents looked very cool and rugged like block tank fortresses - I wanted to play "fort" with them! But it also sparked the idea of serious camping... I'm dying to go camping this summer. We have tents - we have air mattresses if we need them - but we have blankets and stuff it could seriously be so fun!

BUT.... when I see this entire store with tents assembled and hung from the ceiling upside down... woodsy scenery on the walls... and camping pots and pans and coolers and stuff it made me want to buy it all.... ok well not ALL of it.. like the origami bowl and plastic ware set - although handy for backpackers wasn't what I wanted... I wanted the blue speckled metal cups like you see in movies and jail scenes! LOL

BUT I did fine kick ass over sized HUGE comfy green... (GREEN!!!!!!!!!) collapsible chairs on sale for $16!!!!!! down from 30! and they're so cool! We got two!

Carl and Will got some LED lights to mark out camping spots so we can remember where we are when we're blitzed off our buts and sleepy in the woods!

Hey you wanna come camping with us? Here are the boys in the store modeling the latest "coozey" styles!

Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent!

So ok I'm going to admit it. I LOVE RuPauls' Drag Race!

I can't help it and I wish the next group was already cast and I could watch it! I wish they'd have like Idol does and show the auditions before you get them on the show. Maybe a performance sort of thing - then an interview session - then their audition video's play before they do the challenges - I mean ok... I know we wouldn't have the numbers we do for Idol competitions but still... there'd be plenty of queens vying for that spot on stage! I'm just saying....

SO I won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it or those who have watched some of the episodes... but not the finale and aren't sure who wins... BUT they do a reunion show... (Mind you I don't go to drag shows very often if at all in real life... maybe 10 in my life time...) and one character who is very "quirky" named Tammy on the show was kicked off like #3 or something ... She did this very cutesy but oddball Drag. Sorta like a flashback to the days of old Hollywood glamour - short curly hair - glamour old silent film makeup - it is fun to watch but her faces and utter lack for normality on the reunion show... well it's very interesting! I suggest you watch it! She's MAD that RuPaul and the judges were mean to her and judged her... she's upset when RuPaul says a cuss word trying to explain things and she corrects him, saying "Language!?" and then makes this upset corrective parent face just waiting to burst with anger and nerves... it's NUTS!

Lemme see if I can find some pics of it on google. .... I can't be the only one who noticed this episode of odd-ballness - My daughter watched it with Mike and I and sad to say - we LAUGHED our butts off at how off she is.

Here's Tammy

Anyway they had some amazing drag queens and amazing characters. One of my favorite I'd Say was Ongina - Rupaul wrote or performed a song on her new CD (Avail on itunes) about her called "Girlyboy" or something!

Here's Ongina!

But I do love me some Nina Flowers.. She's tough and amazing as male OR female forms! So many cool characters it's like America's Next top model on Platform stiletto's! Enjoy it if you get the chance

Nina Flowers - She's a Denver Drag Queen I'm hoping to see her soon in person!

Oh and do you remember Santino? From Project Runway? He's one of the people on the panel of judges.... It's entertaining!

this is what I have been up to.. so there! lol